20 Seconds With The President- An Alex Jones Parody

I wrote this in October of 2009, and never did anything with it. I figured it was time.

Back then, I was listening to The Alex Jones Show podcast daily. I stopped listening in 2012 for various reasons, but I still watch his YouTube videos.

In September of 2009, Charlie Sheen wrote something called “20 Minutes With The President“, in which he fictionally questions former President Obama on 9/11. Shortly after that, Charlie Sheen went through his historic meltdown, thus destroying any credibility he would ever have. I wonder if Alex Jones even remembers Charlie’s “20 Minutes”. Charlie will now forever been known as somebody with AIDS and a fetish for tranny hookers. Or something.

I wrote this partly as a parody. I have a lot of respect for Alex. We all know he has some idiosyncracies, like asking a guest a question, and three seconds later cutting to break. I’m not sure what his callers are like now, but at the time, he’d have a special guest on and his callers went off on batshit insane rabbit trails unrelated to the topic or guest. And of course, I could see Alex getting the President on and still taking time to “plug his sponsors”. I think he sells all his own product now.

And of course, I was making fun of the former President’s inability to speak without a teleprompter, and the birth certificate issue. While most of Alex’s text comes directly from things he says (or how he said them at the time), the birth certificate line is mine alone.

Don’t take this as an insult. I have a lot of respect for Alex. He’s been around about 20 years. He was born the same year as me, and I wish I’d had 1/10th the success and impact he has.

Enjoy:
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Alex Jones: Welcome back to the Alex Jones Show on the GCN radio network. We have with us a surprise guest this hour:  none other than the sitting President, Barack Hussein Obama. But first, a word from our sponsors.

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OK, President Obama, are you with us?

President Obama: Yes, I am, Alex, and it’s great to…

Alex Jones: Hold that thought; we’ll be right back.

<commercial break>

Alex Jones: OK, we’re back, with the President, Obama. Let’s take some calls. First up, John in Missouri. Go ahead with your question for the President, John.

John: Thank you, Alex. I’m a long time listener. Thanks for all you do. I disagree with something you said once though. Back in the 70’s I saw a movie called The Andromeda Strain, then 3 Mile Island happened…

Alex Jones: Wait a minute, do you have a question for the President? Come on, people, I take calls all the time. I’ll probably never get the President back on again. Do you or do you not have a question for the President?

John: Well, Alex, back in 1998 you said 3 Mile Island…

Alex Jones: I’ve had it. No more for that caller. Paul in New Mexico. Go ahead with your question for the President, Paul.

Paul: Alex, I used to love you man, but I can’t listen to you anymore. If you’ve got the President on, you’re obviously a tool for the Illuminati…

Alex Jones: Hey, it’s not my fault I’ve got great producers. No more for that caller. I am nobody’s tool people! My producers called the White House and asked if the President would do an interview. They agreed.  Don’t you people have brains?

OK, President Obama, how do you expect us to believe you’re Constitutionally eligible to serve as President when we can’t even prove you’ve been born?

President Obama: Well, Alex, that’s an interesting question. You see, the short form birth certificate that I released after months of making people wait your computer has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. The fault lies in MD5.SUM…

Alex Jones: Wait a minute, President Obama, did your teleprompter just blue screen?

President Obama: Well, I taught the Constitution in 57 states…

Alex Jones: Can’t you get through an interview without a teleprompter?

President Obama: uh

Alex Jones: Seriously, can’t you just answer?

President Obama: Hold on Alex, my speechwriters are working as fast as they can.

Alex Jones: Just cut to one of my CPS rants while they reboot the President’s teleprompter…