20 Seconds With The President- An Alex Jones Parody

I wrote this in October of 2009, and never did anything with it. I figured it was time.

Back then, I was listening to The Alex Jones Show podcast daily. I stopped listening in 2012 for various reasons, but I still watch his YouTube videos.

In September of 2009, Charlie Sheen wrote something called “20 Minutes With The President“, in which he fictionally questions former President Obama on 9/11. Shortly after that, Charlie Sheen went through his historic meltdown, thus destroying any credibility he would ever have. I wonder if Alex Jones even remembers Charlie’s “20 Minutes”. Charlie will now forever been known as somebody with AIDS and a fetish for tranny hookers. Or something.

I wrote this partly as a parody. I have a lot of respect for Alex. We all know he has some idiosyncracies, like asking a guest a question, and three seconds later cutting to break. I’m not sure what his callers are like now, but at the time, he’d have a special guest on and his callers went off on batshit insane rabbit trails unrelated to the topic or guest. And of course, I could see Alex getting the President on and still taking time to “plug his sponsors”. I think he sells all his own product now.

And of course, I was making fun of the former President’s inability to speak without a teleprompter, and the birth certificate issue. While most of Alex’s text comes directly from things he says (or how he said them at the time), the birth certificate line is mine alone.

Don’t take this as an insult. I have a lot of respect for Alex. He’s been around about 20 years. He was born the same year as me, and I wish I’d had 1/10th the success and impact he has.

Enjoy:
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Alex Jones: Welcome back to the Alex Jones Show on the GCN radio network. We have with us a surprise guest this hour:  none other than the sitting President, Barack Hussein Obama. But first, a word from our sponsors.

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OK, President Obama, are you with us?

President Obama: Yes, I am, Alex, and it’s great to…

Alex Jones: Hold that thought; we’ll be right back.

<commercial break>

Alex Jones: OK, we’re back, with the President, Obama. Let’s take some calls. First up, John in Missouri. Go ahead with your question for the President, John.

John: Thank you, Alex. I’m a long time listener. Thanks for all you do. I disagree with something you said once though. Back in the 70’s I saw a movie called The Andromeda Strain, then 3 Mile Island happened…

Alex Jones: Wait a minute, do you have a question for the President? Come on, people, I take calls all the time. I’ll probably never get the President back on again. Do you or do you not have a question for the President?

John: Well, Alex, back in 1998 you said 3 Mile Island…

Alex Jones: I’ve had it. No more for that caller. Paul in New Mexico. Go ahead with your question for the President, Paul.

Paul: Alex, I used to love you man, but I can’t listen to you anymore. If you’ve got the President on, you’re obviously a tool for the Illuminati…

Alex Jones: Hey, it’s not my fault I’ve got great producers. No more for that caller. I am nobody’s tool people! My producers called the White House and asked if the President would do an interview. They agreed.  Don’t you people have brains?

OK, President Obama, how do you expect us to believe you’re Constitutionally eligible to serve as President when we can’t even prove you’ve been born?

President Obama: Well, Alex, that’s an interesting question. You see, the short form birth certificate that I released after months of making people wait your computer has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. The fault lies in MD5.SUM…

Alex Jones: Wait a minute, President Obama, did your teleprompter just blue screen?

President Obama: Well, I taught the Constitution in 57 states…

Alex Jones: Can’t you get through an interview without a teleprompter?

President Obama: uh

Alex Jones: Seriously, can’t you just answer?

President Obama: Hold on Alex, my speechwriters are working as fast as they can.

Alex Jones: Just cut to one of my CPS rants while they reboot the President’s teleprompter…

Has The Media Gone Too Far In Attacking PewDiePie?

I admit; other than his guest appearance on South Park a few years ago, I’ve never paid attention to PewDiePie. I know my children watch him.

This past Saturday, I started seeing claims that he’s a racist and anti-Semite. These are MSM and SJW claims that usually mean nothing more than the MSM or SJW disagrees with a person. Many conservatives, alt-right, and libertarians have become desensitized to it. No matter what you say, unless you keep completely quiet, they’ll call you one of those names or a white supremacist.

So, I started watching some of PewDiePie’s videos. I won’t subscribe to his channel, but for the most part, I think he’s not bad. He did one video making fun of the “boilerplate” YouTubers include. “Thanks for watching, subscribe to my channel, subscribe to notifications, yada, yada, yada”. I got a laugh out of it. Half of YouTube videos are stupid boilerplate that wastes time, and I’m glad PewDiePie lampooned it.

A once great paper, the Wall Street Journal, was among those who attacked him. You know, since there’s nothing else going on in the world than a 20 something satirist who records videos for children demonstrating how stupid he thinks Fiverr is by paying a couple of fools to hold a sign up, so see if they would draw a line at what was obviously an absurd statement. And they didn’t.

PewDiePie responded to the criticism:

Poor guy.

The media has also recently gone after Milo, and they will never stop going after President Trump.

I think this may be the beginning of the end of the media. They’re already irrelevant. Nobody trusts them. They’re liberals, so they don’t understand things like context and categories. They don’t understand honesty and integrity. And plenty of people get that. How many of PewDiePie’s 53 million viewers do you think pay any attention to the Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, New York Times, or the Clown News Network?

Like some of their recent attacks, all they’re doing is cutting themselves off. Disney dropped a lucrative deal with PewDiePie, as did YouTube. They’re going to lose money over those deals. It’s just like that irrelevant department store (Macy’s? Bloomingdales? Who cares; I don’t shop there.) that decided to drop Ivanka Trump’s line of products. Ivanka’s products shot to the top of Amazon. Look at all the money they lost, that Amazon got. Oh, well, they made their political statement, and won’t understand what pushed them out of business in what is already a devastating retail apocalypse. (UPDATE: Nordstrum. I inadvertently came across that. I’ve never shopped there; have no plans to ever shop there, and care so little about them I wasn’t going to expend effort to fact check the name.)

I’m just going to sit back and watch them continue to fail. CNN is so obviously against President Trump. We have TVs at work tuned to them. Every now and again, they get a new headline and I think to myself “Oh, good, CNN has a new chew toy. I hope they’re happy.” Would they even have viewership if employers like mine didn’t leave TVs tuned to them all day?

TV Alternatives Still Have The Same Problem…

Our 2 year obligation (but not a contract somehow) to Scumcast runs out in July. I’ve been looking at alternatives for some time. And I’m finding out that all alternatives to a cable subscription all have the same problem: THEY’RE STILL CENTERED ON TV. This means that in order to watch the shows YOU want, you have to take a whole bunch of channels filled with shows you DON’T want.

My wife sent me an article about Hulu soon offering live TV. It seems to be heavily centered around CBS, home of shows like NCIS and Big Bang Theory. Well, give me NCIS, and keep Big Bang Theory. Never watched it; and I never plan to. I’ve seen a few clips of it, which made me roll my eyes and leave the room.

And of course, you get ESPN. Never watched it. I don’t give two shits about sports. I’ve tried; I can’t get into it. Plus, as Vox Day has so well documented, ESPN and the NFL are pretty much sold out to SJWism and are going to die eventually.

I looked at a few other packages, such as Playstation Vue. Same thing. It’s all about packages of channels, just like shitty Comcast that I want to leave.

I’ll let you in on why. When I broke down and got a flat screen TV a couple years ago, I decided we wanted HD. It made no sense to not use the full screen of the new TV. $10 more a month for an HD cable box. But then, they wanted to sell us “Triple Play”. There is no freaking way to NOT have the stupid phone line. I never use it, but I have to pay for it. Then we got the “X1 Entertainment Operating System” because we wanted a DVR. I thought we had all the channels, even though we barely watch 20 of them between us. Nope, somehow we still had a limited package. And they started taking channels away from us, rolling them into higher priced packages.

We like to watch Bar Rescue. One day, Bar Rescue stopped showing up on the DVR. Spike wouldn’t show. My wife called. Now, Spike is in a higher priced package. We can get it back if we want to pay more. They’ve done that with a few other channels we like. And we seeth with rage; vowing that come July, Scumcast will be no more in our household.

That brings us back to the problem. Everything is centered around CHANNELS. Why don’t we have a paradigm built on SHOWS? I don’t care about the channels. SYFY has some shows I like, and many I don’t care about. Why can’t I just get the shows I want and scrap the rest?

My wife still watches TV. I haven’t used it in well over a year. I get my entertainment through Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon, and if I can’t get a show I want that way, I have a few other alternatives…

Then there are commercials. Few, if any, are relevant to me. Most are annoying and patronizing and I work very hard to not have to watch a commercial. And even those that are relevant, entertaining, and informative, I only need to watch once.

We definitely need to change the way we create and watch our entertainment. Since there’s a big movement in alt-tech, let’s hope we get some alt-entertainment that is out of the mainstream.

Henrick Palgren Is A Viking

I’ve been listening to Red Ice Radio since about 2011. It’s a good podcast, with tons of interesting content. Every now and again, the topic is a miss. When he covers local Swedish politics, I fast forward. But for the most part, he’s had some fascinating guests on.

I never knew what to expect of him. He’s got a very calm and measured voice, and never seems to get over-excited. I always pictured him as an older, maybe shorter man. No. Behold:

Henrick Palmgren

Seriously, he is a viking. Sweden better not push him too far with its SJW politics. I bet he could ravage and pillage the entire nation by himself.